I HAVE SWITCHED BLOGGING SITES!!!!!!

I will no longer be blogging here...i've made the move to wordpress. so for further lonely blogs i will be at lindseybrown.wordpress.com

los angeles

remind me to tell you about it. its only been two days on this trip and i have been moved and humbled in a thousand different ways. God is moving.

phil wickham show

so i must say..i took some amazing pictures of phil tonight. the quality is outstanding, OUTSTANDING!!

polaroids are making such an "artsy kid" comeback. and im not ashamed to get up on that.

also im not sure why i put my water mark thingamajig on here. oh well.as you can see, my seats were killer. dont be jelous now.

long time, no blog.

ahhhh. summertime. sunburns, hot cars, freckles, tank tops, and haircuts.

new flyer.

it's for a metal show. i had a really hard time on this one.
this is what i came up with:

its always something....

if you aren't a compassion oriented person, then your a apathy oriented person?

i have never thought of myself as being apathetic and i see that i am now.



it sucks. please pray for me as i work on this. its going to be a long ride.

virb

i have one now. it's pretty amazing. i highly recommend it.

virb.com/lindseybrown
(i just might delete my myspace)

remix.

I just re-read my list of "I's" (two blogs down) and I need to reprase the "I can not stand" section. Its not that I cant stand feeling left out, its...not being wanted. No, not even that. Its this; I can not stand my presence being rejected.
there. thats it.

its like lookin' in the mirror...ADMIT IT!!!!

1am. going yard saleing tomorrow!

I am: lindsey brown
I’ve never: been in an actual relationship
I will never: spend money wisely
I wish: i didnt doubt myself so much.
Why: do i care about it so much?
I love: laughing and being loud.
I hate: being loud.
I cannot stand: feeling left out.
I will always: love God.
I have: a stomach ache.
I turned down: the air conditioning
I need: a date/boyfriend.
I still: cant stop thinking/caring about it! ugh.
I fear: rejection.
I kissed: a creep. yuck.
I might: call him. stress "might".
I used to: eat healthy.

boredem ensues...

my life it seems....

and i can SO do that with my hoodie! =))))))

update on flickr

generated by love

“Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve . . . You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”
-Martin Luther King

matt costa

the song "oh dear" by matt costa has forever been ruined for me. my mom was in the car with me while my ipod was on shuffle. that song came on and after a little while my mom made a comment somewhat to the effect of "this sounds like it should be a sitcom theme song". and you know what? shes right.

you dont have to read this, really. i dont blame you.

what am i doing? i dont mean right now. answering that question is easy. it has obvious answers; im sitting in starbucks, drinking a toffee nut latte, listening to arcade fire and wishing someone would throw me a bone on myspace or aim.
what i mean is....what am i doing in life? okay, that would seem to have some fairly obvious answers as well. im working at the church, living at home, learning what it is to save money, not going to school, and lusting after a photography career...or something.
no, what i mean is what am i doing that is worth while. or furthering His kingdom. or keeping my attention span. or what i like. or what i love. or what i want.
all these stupid questions just keep scrolling through my head like damn movie credits. i dont even know......anything anymore.
i love working at the church. being involved in youth ministry has dramatically changed my life. but, honestly...where am i going in that? i mean job wise. i have no aspiration to become a youth pastor. (im no teacher...lol) so, am i going to be the youth assistant my whole life? dont get me wrong, i really do love it. but...a youth assistant? like from now on? ya, not to keen on that.
*sigh*
then there is this whole photography thing. i really like watching and learning from people. and.....thats about it. oh, trust me. i want to get in there, badly. but, thats kinda tough when your limited to an olympus point and shoot. lol ive been sitting on this for awhile now. im 99% sure this isnt just another one of my "dabbling" experiences. i have really held off on buying a camera because im done with starting something then losing interest.
thats my problem you know, i just lose interest.
sorry if your still reading this. although im pretty sure there is only one person who glances at this thing anyways.
so in conclusion:

1) im having a mid-life or quater-life crisis or sorts. (oooo! just like in that john mayer song...quater-life crisis)

2)i am shopping for my nikon D80 today. credit debt, HERE I COME!!

3) toffee nut lattes are my favorite lately

4) im sick of not having a boyfriend, or a date, or a crush, or....something.

5) is it possible to live at starbucks? i would like that very much.

6) boys dont like me. well, once i start talking. or when i dont talk. (total jr.high around cute boys....get all giggly and shy.)

7)i dont know what color to do my bangs next

8) really. i would live right here on this couch thingy at starbucks.

THE END.

(and im sooooooo not going to go back through this and fix typos, grammer or sentence structure. deal with it. sucka!)

May 19th Flyer

Here is another one I made. When I find out who the opening guys are they will fit right under the "$15".
p.s. photoshop cs2 is AMAZING. way more fun than elements. =)

Ever have those days...

where its just....bleh. I feel so starved for attention. But not from any of my friends. Just someone new. I think. I don't know.
Okay. Im lonely and none of the people im surrounded with can fix it. Make sense?
No? Ya, doesnt to me either.

I have a flickr now =)

click the picture below to see some more!
=))))

my brain hurts.

canon or nikon?








i was so sure canon. yesterday, a canon rebel xti was it. now...nikon is just looking so classy.
errrg, it looks like im off to do another seven and a half more hours of research.

tired of....stuff.

bleh.
ugh....i cant even type everything out. long day. bad day. here is a list:

1.my aunt marie is in the hospital and it isnt looking good. she most likely isnt going to make it. my mom isnt taking it too well. please pray. please.
2.work stuff just got really stressful on the LA trip front.
3.im so not prepared for the show this sat.
4.somone put a dead fricken rattle snake in my car as a joke. ya haha. smells nice now. and im paranoid as hell that there is another one in there.

just......aejIjgrjipgraepirgjyap

ms. ashley hays

Brought to you by the generosity of Mandi =)
(she let me play around with her canon rebel xti !!!!!!!!!)

Written in 1978

"Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today in not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people."
Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline

A flyer I made for the next Catalyst show...

so i have...

a mask:

and some more mississippi pics:

first attempt...be nice!

Here is my first venture into a semi-un-myspace edit. Just some pics i took at jr.high youth group last night and a pic i had on my computer. I dont know...what do ya think? Pretty basic...

PS Go take a look at my friends blog:
robbinsnestdigitaldesign.blogspot.com

Oh, I Forgot!!!

The last morning of winter camp I walking down the hill from my cabin on my way to get some coffee. I had only brought twenty dollars cash with me (I'm all about my debit card) and was actually going to pay for my four shots of esspreso with a one dollar bill and a mix of quarters, feeling slightly embaressed. Only slightly becuase I REALLY needed a caffiene rush. When I saw a piece of paper sticking out of some frozen mud...it was a $20 dollar bill. Yep.
Sorry, it was just very exciting to me.
=D

Pics from Mississippi

“I’m not shocked by the bodies, the blunders. You can’t stay stunned forever. The anger doesn’t go away, but it settles somewhere behind your heart; it deepens into resolve. I feel connected to what’s around me, no longer just observing. I feel I am living it, breathing it. There is no hotel to go back to, isolated from the destruction….We are surrounded all day and all night. There’s no escape.”
-Anderson Cooper


Great quote. This almost sums it all up for me, thankfully I did not see any dead bodies though. Crazy, but he was only talking about New Orleans. New Orleans got the very least of the devestation. Bet you didn't know that.

this church was built in 1898 and used to be on the other side of the road

Cracker Barrel

March 12:
After 18hrs of no eating, thanks to a two overly delayed flights, and two full days of no sleep....cracker barrel didnt have a chance.

blehhhhhhhhh.

i lost my cell phone!!!!!!!!
i forgot my cable for my camera to download pictures.
argh.
i cant find my cell phone.
and if one more person refers to me as "california girl" like its my name, im gonna FREAK!!!!
hey, did i tell you i lost my cell phone?!

em-eye-es-es-eye-es-es-eye-pee-pee-eye

this last thursday to monday has been INSANE. like, i mean total utter insanity. let me give you a taste.
March 8th-left for jr.high winter camp at 8am, got there at 4pm, went to bed at 1:30am. Had major caffiene deprovation headache (no coffee, =[..), couldnt eat at all that day. very stressed out.
March 9th-got up at 6am, blur of laughing, dancing, walking, napping (kindof), esspresso shots (total of six that day, caffiene deprovation terminated), went to bed at 1am. still couldnt eat, not sure why. maybe too fricken tired and maxed out on the caffiene....? i did force down a couple pieces of cantalope and a few bites of spinich salad though.
March 1oth-got up at 6am, two esspresso shots first thing, blah,blah,blah. two more esspresso shots, blah,blah,blah. went to bed at 2:30am BUT with time change it was 3:30am. oh,ya. still couldnt eat.
March 11th-got up at 6:30am. four shots of esspresso straight up. by this time with the no eating thing, all this caffiene was no good for my system. shaky and lightheadedness at lunch time. no good. chris drove home my car for me. left at 12:30pm got back at 6pm. waited around in my office till 10pm so i could leave for waveland, mississippi. ya. same day. got on plane at about 12:30am
March 12th- maybe slept like and hour on plane. it was supposed to be a two hour to houston, texas. really bad stormy/lightning weather so we circled around for and extra hour and a half. connecting flight to new orleans was delayed two hours then we sat on the plane on the runway for THREE hours before it took off. basically we were supposed to arrive in new orleans at 8am, didnt land till 1pm-ish. drove another three hours to wavland and CRASHED. i have never slept so good before.
March 13th-today, well im eatin good and healthy now. woop! and when i get time im gonna be postin some un-real pictures of here. its unbelievable. just incase you think that all the people effected by Hurricane Katrina are back to normal now.....not even close. not even a little bit.

PS you know they spent 14million dollars to rebuild the superdome (the football field in new orleans that housed everybody) and literally across the street there are houses and apartment complexes that have blue tarp roofs and people living out of tents. everywhere.
people living in poverty < football.
i hate america sometimes.

Religion on a Superficial Level

"Of course, it is true that religion on a superficial level, religion that is untrue to itself and God, easily comes to serve as the "opium of the people." And this takes place whenever religion and prayer invoke the name of God for reasons and ends that have nothing to do with Him. When religion becomes a mere artificial façade to justify a social or economic system—when religion hands over its rites and language completely to the political propagandist, and when prayer becomes the vehicle for a purely secular ideological program, then religion does tend to become an opiate. It deadens the spirit enough to permit the substitution of a superficial fiction and mythology for the truth of life. And this brings about the alienation of the believer, so that his religious zeal becomes political fanaticism. His faith in God, while preserving its traditional formulas, becomes in fact faith in his own nation, class or race. His ethic ceases to be the law of God and love, and becomes the law of might-makes-right: established privilege justifies everything. God is the status quo."


Thomas Merton - Contemplative Prayer

It looks like im going to sneeze.

But, I'm not. Its a short little, kinda boring, video blog for all zero of you who read this.

Kindness beyond expression

"If the Christian religion be considered, both respecting its doctrines and the happy influence which it has on the minds and manners of Christians, it is reasonable to think that the miraculous manifestation to the world is a kindness beyond expression."
-John Woolman

Look at me being all adventurous and all!

I had sushi for the first time yesterday, and I'm sad that I didn't discover it sooner. Never mind the fact that it was from the place in Phelan, (yes, we are some brave souls for even considering to eat RAW FISH from someplace in PHELAN) it was a pretty fricken good restraunt! Maybe one day when I meet a cute boy that likes me he will take me there. That would be fun. One day....one day....
Stop laughing!!! Yes, someday I will find a cute, nice, normal boy that likes me....someday....I'm sure it will happen, you know, one day. Probably the same day pigs fly.

i HATE...

...talking politics. It turns me into a irratable, bitchy, person. Which, in turn, makes people hate me.

urgh.

Maybe

I become infatuated with the unattainable—and it's an attraction.

crap.

whats going to become of my life?

This last weekend in Eurika, Ca.

I have two stories to tell. The serious "pondering this thing called life" story, or the funny "is this really happening right now" story. Not that the two dont ever cross because they do, as they should. God made laughter for a reason...we cant be crying all the time. Yes, that was a very profound realization I just made there, I know. Feel free to use it in your headlines on myspace.

scratch that. My story is my story. The good, the bad, the embarressing. You cant extract parts...they wouldn't work with out each other.

Alright, I think I'm going to give it a stab at right now. See if by some fluke of nature I can relay, in words, what my head has been mulling over for the last couple of days.

Its just weird. Its weird to meet aunts, uncles and cousins for the first time when you are twenty years old. Its even weirder to attend a funeral of an aunt you have never met. You know whats the MOST weird though? The fact that your dad doesnt communicate with his family, whatsoever. Maybe it would be understandable if they had a huge falling out, you know some Thanksgiving dinner gone auwry. But, thats not it. They just dont talk. Sure, there is the excuse of living 800 miles apart, as lame as it is. There are telephones. I just dont get it. How would you not want to know/be involved in your brother and sisters life? And same for my aunt and uncle. This lack of communication isnt one sided, its the whole side of my dad's family. I dont understand. I guess I dont understand a lot of things, though.
On the way up to the funeral we parked the RV at my Aunt Liz's (Mom's sister) house for the night (Galt, Ca). My grandma lives with her, she had a major stroke a while back and is paralyzed on the left side of her body. Needless to say, she is wheel chair bound and her memory is going as well. I havnt seen any of them since I was 13 and it was awesome to get to spend some time with my cousins and see how much they have grown up. I was a little uncomfterable with spending time with my grandma though. I wasn't sure how to talk to her, since her longterm memory is great and her present memory is shaky....I dont know. It was just kind of awkward to me. It turned out a ton better than I thought...she is hilarious! When she finally does get a hold of whats goin on around her, she throws out the most random comments! Exp. - We were eatin dinner and my mom was talking about when she was pregnant with me, my grandma looks up from her plate and says, "All the other children Carol had before, she sold!". She then looks back down at her plate and resumes eating. We all busted out laughing so hard we were crying. Awesome.

The next day we finally made it to Eurika and were going to meet my Uncle Raymond and his wife for dinner. Now, Im a total introvert around people I dont know. So meeting two new people makes me really uncomfterable. Meeting two new people who are labled as family, ultra awkward. Dinner did go smooth though, I didnt need to say much. All the "adults" travled memory lane, specifically the lane before I was born. So I ate my dinner and wished the restraunt had WiFi for the laptop. Ya, lame. haha. After dinner we went to my Uncle Raymond's house and looked through all these photographs from when they were kids. Seeing these pictures of my dad as kid...made me realize there is SO much I don't know about him. It's kinda sad, actually.

The morning of the funeral...was interesting. I think we were all nervous and anxious and being stuck in a RV during a hurricane forced us to interact, when normally I would have locked myself in my room, Mom in the living room knitting, and dad in the family room reading. It was a good morning. My mom opened up to me about a huge something in her past, we got to connect in a big way. Painting nails and gabbing about when she was my age and me gabbing about whats going on in my life. It was nice not to be bickering. =)

Thinking about the memorial service made me nervous...I was going to be meeting a million new people, again, all with the title "family". I was nervous getting ready. "Im not pretty enough", "Im not skinny enough", "I'm not interesting enough", "They are gonna think I'm boring, fat and ugly." Soooo stupid, I know. But, none the less....it's what I was thinking. I gussied myself up so much. Tons of eye makeup, tons of hairspray, tons of perfume, brushed my teeth twice, three differnt outfit changes, bright red lipstick. The only thing that felt like me...my deoderant, I guess. I think, I felt like I needed to be so...I dont know, interesting?...attractable?...differant from what I am? I felt so much pressure from meeting my family, I just needed to be perfect. My outcome? An image of what I'm not. An image of something I didn't recognize in the mirror. Not that it was a bad thing, its just that I'm mad at myself for thinking that they couldn't possibly like me, that I needed to be someone differnt. I dont know. Im not sure that makes any sense.

We got to the memorial service, which was at her house, and basically my mom and I clung to eachother the entire time. It just wasnt what we were expecting. Everyone there was either family or friends of my Aunt's boyfriend, Jim. And they were all the dirty biker croud. Black jeans and all. Really. Beer and chinese food with the game on the TV. So strange. The only pictures that were put out were the ones my Uncle Raymond had brought. Although, Jim did have a journal set up in the bedroom so people could write their goodbyes to her. It was so strange. Some of here co-workers we there, but other than that...not really anyone but my Uncle Raymond's family and my Dad were there, who actaully knew her, as in met her. Later on after we had left my dad said something that summed it up. Jim was having a party...for himself. It just happned to have the title of memorial service. I can only imagine how sad my Aunt JoAnn's life must have been. To be with a man for over twenty years, a man who hit on other woman in front of you, a man who refused to marry you, a man who couldnt even pay proper respects to you life. I cant fathom how discouraged and little he most likely made her feel everyday. I cant fathom having so little hope that you would remain in that situation. I wish I had known her. I wish I would have been there, in her life. I wish she would have known how much God loved her. I wish my dad would have been a true brother to her. I wish that her death wasn't the reason I met my family.

"This is how it works

You're young until you're not

You love until you don't

You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry

You cry until you laugh

And everyone must breathe

Until their dying breath"

"On the Radio" - Regina Spektor

...in bed (cont.)

okay...so im home sick for the fourth day, and still rockin' a 102 degree fever for the...fourth day.

*cough...coooooouuuuugh...hack....haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack....snort...ughhhhhh...snoooooort...hack...spit*

that right there has been my social life. yep, its amazing. ha! Anyways, what a perfect time to finish up my blog so here goes!

Here is the lovely Kim, given all us bums a ride. =)

Here's a hint: Idiocracy

It was windy...as you can see....

I call it "Super long tunnel to the bathroom that smells like poop"

Heather is still wearing her winter camp band. ha!

those dang manequins always copying Heather's style!

...and Kim's! Geez! Cant they find their OWN style!

Where's Bailey and Kim? Oh, at the very END of that ginormous line.

Ginormous line? WORTH IT! Cant you see the joy on my face?

Everybody has a perspective in life...

mine just happens to be eternal.

i dont know. random thought.
=)

....In Bed

What else would we do on a day off if it wernt for shopping? I mean, really. What would we do? Im drawin a blank too. Kinda sad, isnt it? Oh well. =)
Kim, Bailey, Heather and I all went to the mills to go winter formal dress shopping. (for heather and Bailey! i dont go to dances anymore (hello! im 20!)....unless i lie about my age and its at a school were no one knows me other than my niece and then sometimes she screws up and introduces me as her Aunt when im supposed to be sixteen and blah blah blah...but only then, lol) Anyways, it was super fun and i brought the camera along to document all the important random events. =)

Pretty Much the DUMBEST thing I have ever seen. I really dislike "bros"

"Suprise! I have a monster and it isnt for you!"

Kinda looks like she's eating her own tounge.

I guess I just cant not make a kissy face when I take a picture. Bad habit.

more pics to come, but im tired. and kinda bored. and i cant anyways, the rest of the pictures are on my work computer.

Just read it...it gets somewhere, i promise. =)

Well, my first week (technically my second) as a full time Jr.High director was much more productive than i thought. And by productive i mean BUSY. To think I was stressing because I didnt think there would be anything to fill my time. ha! Its much different than being part time, it almost feels busyier. I suppose its because I now have the time to fully committ to projects. Not just the partly focused, "I gotta get this done before tomorow" feeling and then moving on to the next thing,you know, not really concentrating. I know that didnt make sense, but i never said i was going to be a brilliant blogger. haha But, to get back on track...I really do enjoy everything im a part of there, youth group, sunday mornings, bible studys, the constant text messaging, even all the mind numbing paper work that comes with youth ministry...but im starting to wonder if all this consistensy is going to get at me. I am a serial quitter, you know. Yes, im finally addmiting it. When i start getting close to that one year mark, I have a sudden distain for whatever i happen to be doing...school, work, whatever. Only time will tell to see if I get antsy being at the same place practically everyday. The one thing, i know for sure, that will never change is that i LOVE being involved in these kids lives. I can honestly say, its the one thing that I actually have a passion for. Helping these kids have a growing relationship with God and a life modeled after Jesus Christ. (which is never easy, but also never the same)
So, after some incredibly busy weeks I finally have some time to relax. Which is exactly what I did tonight. Got all cozy next to the fire (can you believe it 20 degrees out right now?!) with my ipod and a great book. The book is the reason Im writing this blog, actually. Ever read "The Screwtape Letters", by CS Lewis? Well, I have some commentary on chapter 10.

"I gather that the middle-aged married couple who called at his office are just the sort of people we want him to know--rich, smart, superficially intellectual, and brightly sceptical about everything in the world. I gather they are even vaguely pacifist, not on moral gounds but from an ingrained habit of belittling anything that concerns the great mass of their fellow men and from a dash of purely fashionable and literary communism."

Normally I wouldn't get to much out of this, I mean it is just a fiction book. But, something struck me. How many of these sort of people do I know? Not to many, I have to admit. And I'd have to say, i dont really even know them. They intimadate me way too much. Why? Quite frankly, I think they are the shiz. They just have it so put together. They know where they stand, even if its only for a moment, but wherever they linger...its cool. They intimadate me because i want that for myself. I want to be so sure of myself, such a rebal against society, that I have followers...admirers...people like me, wanting to be me. Wow, can i get any less humble? It goes on to say:

" This is excellent. And you seem to have made good use of all his social, sexual, and intellectual vanity."

Ouch, that hit a little too close to home for me. Vanity. There you go. I'm letting myself fall victom to vanity. Social vanity, the want of being popular. Sexual vanity, the want to be attractive to others. Intellectual vanity, the want of being "cultured".

"Tell me more. Did he commit himself deeply? I don't mean in words. There is sublte play of looks and tones and laughs by which a mortal can imply that he is of the same party as those to whom he is speaking"

We all know its about appearences. If it looks and sounds like im a part of this group...then people will think I am. If i look and sound like one of them, they will assume I am one of them. And if im one of them...i belong. right? Am i too off track here? I cant be the only one...

"That is the kind of betrayal you should especially encourage, because the man does not fully realise it himself; and by the time he does you will have made withdrawal difficult. No doubt he must very soon realise that his own faith is in direct oppostion to the assumptions on which all the conversation of his new friends is based. I don't think that matters much, provided that you can persuade him to post-pone any open acknowledgment of the fact, and this with the aid of shame, pride, modesty, vanity, will be easy to do. As long as the postponement lasts he will be in a false postion"

Whoa. Betrayal? It just keeps getting worse and worse for me! Betrayal. Ya. Im betraying who I am through Jesus Christ. Im betraying, no, im turning my back on Christ. Im molding myself after worldly ideals when I should be striving to be everything Jesus was and is. Im turning my back on the one thing that every living, breathing being should know me for. "As long as the post ponement lasts he will be in a false position." Oh, yes. I have been postponing it. For far too long. I've been in a false position for far to long. I have been using the excuse of shame and pride and whatever else for far to long. Im sick of my cynical and skeptical attitude. Im sick of using it for the sake of acceptence. How about you?

im just so...dissapointed.

ooo. my fingers want to type something. i feel this burst of energy through my body. i have something to say. i want to say it loud so everyone can hear. i want to scream it in their faces so they have no choice but to listen. i want to yell it so loud that im standing on my tiptoes, head tipped up, tense fists at my sides, every muscle stretching to reach the heavens and my throat hurting from the strain on my voice box. what is this world coming to? do we honestly believe that just because we call ourselves "christians" God automaticly is going to give us some huge suburban house, shiny new suv, green green front lawn, pool in the backyard, one dog and two cats. "the american dream". i wish i could type it in disgust, the way im saying it in my head. wake up people. just because you go on your yearly missions trip to mexico and tithe your 10% doesnt mean your doing Gods work. Read the gospels some time. You see all that red type? try that. i dare you.
it makes me sick that we give this money to the church to be used for Gods work. a million dollar facility is Gods work? an overly huge worship center, a gymnasium, a freakin coffee shop? thats what were giving money for? thats what God's work is? a million plus dollars. couldnt we be doing something so great with that money? so amazing?
couldnt we actually be using that money to, oh idk... feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless?!!!!
i mean really. is that what Jesus said? "Sell all you have and give it to the church so they can build a bigger sanctuary, so they can feel so much more special than all the other churches, so they can say God is blessing us and and thank Him for blessing us and pray that all the other churches can be just as blessed. but really, they know that those "other" churches will never be as big and never have all the "cool" rich people like us."
actually Jesus said sell all you have and give it to the poor. (matt 19:21)


i know, i sound angry and i am. i sound bitter...and i guess i am. i sound like i have a hard heart, and i guess i have that too.

its just...wow. i was JUST talking to somebody about all this kinda crap going on in the "christian world" last night. and i was feeling pretty good, because i really thought i was in a church who didnt buy into all this bs. and today when i saw those plans and they said the cost. just, wow. it sucked. it really sucked. when they said this money is going to be coming from the people in our church, their tithes, it took everything in me to not cry. isnt that money supposed to go to something better? a million plus dollars, FOR ONE FREAKING BUILDING. i mean, to do everthing they plan...it going to be MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. are we really supposed to be using the money for that? im even questioning how IM getting paid. im getting paid off of money given to God. is that money really being used for God's purpose? sure, i work in the youth. and, ya, thats God's work. But, i just dont remeber Paul getting paid from all the money the church gave. infact i seem to remember it going to the widows, orphans and poor. is this right? the more and more i think about it, im convinced it isnt.
So, i can sit here and become angry and become shut off from the church. and i guess, i could think im so much better because I know the real meaning of being a "christian".
or
i can love people, Gods people.
Yes, even the christians.
thankyou friend for pointing that out last night. it has really come in useful right about now.