im just so...dissapointed.

ooo. my fingers want to type something. i feel this burst of energy through my body. i have something to say. i want to say it loud so everyone can hear. i want to scream it in their faces so they have no choice but to listen. i want to yell it so loud that im standing on my tiptoes, head tipped up, tense fists at my sides, every muscle stretching to reach the heavens and my throat hurting from the strain on my voice box. what is this world coming to? do we honestly believe that just because we call ourselves "christians" God automaticly is going to give us some huge suburban house, shiny new suv, green green front lawn, pool in the backyard, one dog and two cats. "the american dream". i wish i could type it in disgust, the way im saying it in my head. wake up people. just because you go on your yearly missions trip to mexico and tithe your 10% doesnt mean your doing Gods work. Read the gospels some time. You see all that red type? try that. i dare you.
it makes me sick that we give this money to the church to be used for Gods work. a million dollar facility is Gods work? an overly huge worship center, a gymnasium, a freakin coffee shop? thats what were giving money for? thats what God's work is? a million plus dollars. couldnt we be doing something so great with that money? so amazing?
couldnt we actually be using that money to, oh idk... feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless?!!!!
i mean really. is that what Jesus said? "Sell all you have and give it to the church so they can build a bigger sanctuary, so they can feel so much more special than all the other churches, so they can say God is blessing us and and thank Him for blessing us and pray that all the other churches can be just as blessed. but really, they know that those "other" churches will never be as big and never have all the "cool" rich people like us."
actually Jesus said sell all you have and give it to the poor. (matt 19:21)


i know, i sound angry and i am. i sound bitter...and i guess i am. i sound like i have a hard heart, and i guess i have that too.

its just...wow. i was JUST talking to somebody about all this kinda crap going on in the "christian world" last night. and i was feeling pretty good, because i really thought i was in a church who didnt buy into all this bs. and today when i saw those plans and they said the cost. just, wow. it sucked. it really sucked. when they said this money is going to be coming from the people in our church, their tithes, it took everything in me to not cry. isnt that money supposed to go to something better? a million plus dollars, FOR ONE FREAKING BUILDING. i mean, to do everthing they plan...it going to be MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. are we really supposed to be using the money for that? im even questioning how IM getting paid. im getting paid off of money given to God. is that money really being used for God's purpose? sure, i work in the youth. and, ya, thats God's work. But, i just dont remeber Paul getting paid from all the money the church gave. infact i seem to remember it going to the widows, orphans and poor. is this right? the more and more i think about it, im convinced it isnt.
So, i can sit here and become angry and become shut off from the church. and i guess, i could think im so much better because I know the real meaning of being a "christian".
or
i can love people, Gods people.
Yes, even the christians.
thankyou friend for pointing that out last night. it has really come in useful right about now.